Relationship – Aftermath

The number six is like both a lucky and an unlucky number. Everything started off with 26 and ends with a 6.

After the sixth of October, I will have a new life. I will learn from this relationship, both positive and negative. I’ll take the positive out in here at this blog, and leave the negative inside myself for self-assessment.

Maybe only close ones will know… others will not. At first I felt used, played, so forth; now it’s more like the John Isner vs Nicolas Mahut Wimbledon 2010 first round match, where the fifth set ended at 70-68 Isner, because the loser, though lost, will only feel disappointed and perhaps depressed at the loss at that time. With a few days or maybe even weeks, Mahut will look back thinking what an achievement he and Isner have done. Similarly, I will now look back and be proud – not because of how it ended, but everything.

Nothing is going to last for eternity. Not even time. It’s good something like this happens because I learn more from failures than successes. It reminds me of blogging again, and thinking seriously about my career. Whether her intentions were genuine, forced or pretended, best of luck for her. It does not matter anymore, nor will it change the future.

This reminds me of a saying I have, that a white piece of paper is as pure as it can be. Until a pen mark is made on it, it is forever there. When you are in a relationship and say you joke about breaking up. If the other person takes it serious (and hopefully he or she does, because this is no joke) then the joke implies the truth. You make a (false) pen mark on the page and you say sorry I did not mean it. If you white it out, the mark is still underneath; it does not remove it. Hence, even if she did not want to, the feeling I got after was true and irreversible.

What remains true is that family-care is the most important, because they won’t go away for no reason, won’t suddenly say we’re not matched so let’s give it an end. There’s no walking away from your family because they’re there forever.

Cherish.

After talking with a few friends about it, I hear a lot of different views: from very interesting ones to non-views. Different ideas as to the cause of this occurence. The most important one was that simply I was not the type for her. Of course, it can be said conversely. Maybe my lifestyle is different or my complex thoughts contradict hers or whatever. Or maybe simply it was not “right” to begin?

That’s up to the eye of the beholder.

~shuu.

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