zombie

Lyrics: Kamijo
Music: Teru

Raise! singing bat! コウモリが歌う
Rage! a burning rose! 薔薇を燃やし
骨を叩き踊れ!

Raise! a burning bone! 宴が始まる
Laugh! shadow of death 影が笑う

闇と呪縛の中 松明を掲げ
”消えた少年達”の遊戯は儀式へ
主の下で骨を叩け
コウモリ達の歌に乗せて

Raise!
come here! right now!
come here!

空に墓を造り 太陽を殺せ
闇と少年の戯れは儀式へ

主の下で骨を叩け
コウモリ達の歌に乗せて

Raise!
come here! right now!
come here!

School or Q1

I was at Q1 the other day and I was talking with the boss at the end. He was saying how more girls have come than guys have in this year. Also how many girls come with other girls to find other guys. And so I said I should try to meet them. But he said school’s always a good place.

I thought about that and thought about how I used to ask the girls I have met in class. Yet again every time, maybe I’m just digging a hole for trying on difficult girls, I have trouble getting them out.

Sometimes in these situations I think whether picking some other girl would be easier. Picking someone who you are not interested does not equate to making it easier. Picking someone who you already know a little, if not well, is definitely easier than the former two. Picking a friend, of course, is not a concern whether she rejects you or not.

But, to know one, to befriend one and to begin a relationship with one will take each step. The general way everyone knows is to know the girl, be friends with her, then you can start the relationship if she likes you too.

In any case, to swim one must be in the water first. Many times I experience that I find it hard to even be in the water, nevermind learning how to breathe underwater or float in the deep end of the pool.

Back to Q1… it’s not always true that school’s a good place to find girls – at least not to me… Maybe Q1 is a better place… who knows.

~shu

Temptation Revisited

A short entry tonight due to time constraint.

I was talking about temptation and curiosity due to it and its consequences.

I said consequences if minor then maybe you can proceed.

This time I want to add a few things.

1. If during that temptation period, if you can find an alternative but safe and less satsifactory method of fulfilling part of that temptation then definitely go for it, because you are not running under risk.

2. If at any moment you are uncertain whether you should proceed to that action or not, then save it till later, because it is still not the right time.

2.5 If you continue back and forth to do and undo the temptation, you are contradicting yourself because you have not decided on what to do yet. As a result, you should think about it before you do it or not.

~shuu.

Reason, Examine and Assess

Tonight I learned something pretty meaningful and valuable. It’s ‘reasoning’.

First, I want to say that, nevermind what is ‘right’ or what is ‘wrong’. That is, forget about whether there is God or a neutral ‘personality-less’ governing system (may be called ‘fate’ for some), because most people when talking about ethics and morality, they talk about God or ‘the RIGHT way of acting’. Those are biased. I try not to be.

Regardless of that, I believe there are still things in our existent world that some things can be done better one way than the other because of temptation, curiosity, or consequences.

Temptation. Many who apply the above italic-ed passage to their way of life would say temptation is ‘evil’ or ‘bad’ because it causes us to do things that trail us to some bad result. I treat temptation as something to control, not to avoid. Robbers may be tempted to rob a store; children may be tempted to eat candy before dinner time and get smacked; men and young guys may be tempted to look or stare at attracting women or girls (old enough to avoid the ‘children violation’), etc… These vary in their severeness. The less serious cases are ‘curiosity’… mainly because even if you do it will not lead to legal actions. The more serious cases are ‘conseqential’.

On the one hand, when you are curious, you don’t know what the result is. You may be curious about what’s in this funny-looking box but if you open it you lose something valuable (or gain some unwanted matter), may it be money, health, reputation, horrible memories, etc. Here’s where the control comes in. When it comes to curiosity, it really is a flick of the mind, but many do not realise that. They may go upon unleashing their curiosity and may end up in some negative consequence (and by negative I mean a result that is against you). If you ‘reason, examine, and assess’, there’s a chance that you may not be curious anymore, or you realise that curiosity isn’t so beneficial. There are other times where you go about doing something you are curious about doing that may end up in some consequence. In other words, your body doesn’t want to do it but your mind does. You do it, but you weren’t caught and there’s an option of ‘undoing’ it. Whether you decide to undo it before it hits or not, that time frame is where you reason, examine and assess what’s most beneficial to you. If the consequence is near minimal and you don’t think it’s a big deal, go ahead and leave it. Otherwise, if you reason that you may get into trouble (serious or not) then it is best to undo it.

By undoing, you fulfill some of your curiosity WHILE getting out of trouble. That’s ‘control’.

On the other hand, when something comes up that is serious and the consequences are just too unaffordable, same process ‘reason, examine and assess’ and just think. There are times where it is serious because of surveillance. There may be times where it causes too much unwanted public attention. Those times it’s just better to get away. These are the things that I said are better done one way than the ‘consequential’ way… because chances are you will be prosecuted.

Why do I think about that? Well, same way, by reasoning, examining and assessing what I do a moments before, current position, and future events including results and consequences. It’s just better to stay out of trouble because our world isn’t as friendly due to restrictions by authorities.

Similarly, anything you do now can be the start of a habit. Reason, examine and assess it; determine whether the habit is beneficial or not. Showering in hot water is not great for eczema-infected skin. Temptation may play a role when deciding whether to use hot water AGAIN or try to resist. Additionally, scratching is also a temptation. Its control and consequence may vary depending on the level of infection. Again, process it as usual and it would definitely save you time than if you were to go through the healing and itching and scratching, which makes a loop and your wound will never heal.

(to be continued)

I was training earlier at 12am and normally I would do it at around 11. Last night I only stretched and so did not practise my kicks. I was not persistent or perseverant enough. Tonight, despite already midnight, my will overwhelmed my laziness and went ahead to do the kicks… but, however, not without struggle.

After every kick, in which I do a few times each leg, I wanted to just finish it… Like I would tell myself to like stop on the 5th kick, 7th, 10th, and so on… but after each type of kick I went on. I was determined to finish till the end. And I did. It took persistence and perseverance to do that. Afterwards I sweated like I went for a swim. In my shower, after reasoning, examining and assessing, I realised how vital it is to have a persistent pursuit of tasks such as these trainings or practising tennis, like I have for two days in a row.

That’s it for now.

Remember,

Reason, Examine and Assess.

~shuu

Spam II

Look at this link: https://shuu.la-gias.com/2010/03/08/future-or-not/ You see two comments with the exact same message. Initially I thought it was not spam, but until I saw the same comment appear twice, and I checked their IPs and are different, I think most if not all of these comments are spam… but they disguise it well.

~shuu.

Respect or Disrespect: Call or No Call

I don’t know if I’m drunk enough to say this but whatever. But I don’t know how long ago but even when I was little I knew when there’s a “waiting response” for you, it means it is courtesy to “respond back”.

Nowadays it does not seem to be the case that this mannerism or courtesy is presented.

I myself do the same due to influence by being a victim. But before this I feel that I have always been quite aware of the caller or the attention-grabber. I know many times people ONLY call me to GET help. For example, asking me to scan the textbook or notes or whatever. I have done it for a lot of times and I have regretted. I have not asked the person for anything in return and neither have I gotten it.

So it seemed reasonable to act like the norm and not respond to messages or calls or the so-called “SOS alerts” (those who only call you for help). Oh and I also have had people call me to help them move homes. It’s funny because that’s the only thing they asked. I rather the person ask me for notes or anything but moving homes is just a way too obvious sign that you are merely using the person. Of course you always “use” people in life – it’s only HOW MUCH you use them and whether you PAY them back. I think it’s courtesy to pay them back. I believe in karma. I don’t know any you guys do, but if you don’t, you probably don’t think “an eye for an eye” is applicable. But certainly if you poke my eye I probably will poke your eye multi-fold (more than ten-fold), just because I buy the “an eye for an eye” logic.

Anyway, enough foundamentals. I think you all know what I am talking about. If not than re-read. If not, then (at my current state of mind) just die, please.

So I have said that calling or any form of contact that is sent should be received in some form of another. It’s like saying hi in person and he or she ignores you. In person that’s totally awkward and obvious and so it is implied that anything indirect would be appropriate. It seems like so in reality but it is not preferred.

I have had called a person out last summer but lost contact of any form in the next two days before the supposed meeting. Of course xe (I’m using ‘xe’ to represent both ‘he’ and her’ and ‘xi’ for ‘him’ and ‘her’) was too tired so didn’t xe answer my calls. I had asked xi out just simply to chill. Of course xe went missing for a few more weeks and eventually into the start of school – still no contact, so I thought xe was dead, because that was the only other rational reason behind the lost contact. I had sent a text on how the natural respect for human beings is missing and all, then a few weeks into classes I saw xi resentfully and had an explanation why all that ignoring happened. I think it was bullshit, given all that effort trying to avoid me. I thought it was childish and yet I’m getting it all again now.

Xe is not a close friend but an aquaintance. I don’t blame xi for this disrespect. A lot of people have no respect in the western society. I think no other place has respect except for in Japan, so if you think I am wrong, please prove me wrong – I do want to know that there are respect like in Japan (although I do think it’s a bit too much there in the sense that the guys lose dignity and self-esteem, but that’s aside). In any case, this time it’s a friend from like 8-9 years, and still I am getting this kind of inhumane response. I think I do deserve more.

This makes me think, nowadays when guys ask girls out and the girls make it easy, it seems meaningless – makes sense. And when the girl acts similar to what I have described above, it doesn’t seem rational to go for. It’s all about a mind game between the player and the banker. Whoever is the banker is more likely to win – the odds are just made to be higher for the banker. It does seem like the guys always have to have some sort of acting talent and always be the “dog”, i.e., always be the “God” in the girl’s eyes such that whatever the girl did wrong, the guy always forgives her. He always acts perfect, flawless so that the girl is touched. He is never pissed off because it turns the girl off. He doesn’t get mad at anything because the girl is free to do anything. These are all signs that the girl is the “banker” while the guy is merely a “player” and I don’t mean a playboy because he’s not even close to being half a player.

I’m no “God” and I can’t claim to be anything divine as of now. Many of us may want to achieve that but who will ever get there and how will we know? I think I am allowed to have some traits of a human being, afterall I am one still. I can be mad; I can be sad; I can be frustrated and I have a right to emit my feelings. I guess I have had enough of people using each other without knowing if that’s they are doing; people who think they are superior than me when they are not; people who ignore basic mannerism or courtesy (because they don’t deserved to have the same treated to them).

I’m saying all this because I’m not going to lower myself for someone who doesn’t even consider how much they are worth and how much others such as myself are worth. A stranger may have more respect than those people have. A girl may think she’s worth a billion at 22 but at 28 she isn’t worth a penny. Guys and girls, please be wise of what you’re doing.

P.S. We should all play around in our early 20’s so that the girls all screw up in trying to school the boys into a miserable early-20-life and be serious when the girls’ “panic years” (i.e., late 20’s/early 30’s) are near, so that they have less of a choice.

~shu

Some dreams that we humans shall not touch.

This is about some dream I just got two nights ago.

I wrote this as soon as I woke up – about chasing after “ghosts” that run around you. DO NOT EVER TOUCH THESE DREAMS!!! Consider yourself to be warned.

It seemed like in the dream I was sleeping the same place I was in reality, on a couch. I had my computer near me (maybe that’s why I got the dream) and some how there was this “project” I gotta do, trying to “talk” to those spirtual things. I think it was supposed to be some homework assignment as there was a website that had the procedure of doing so.

As I was approaching it, I felt like I was closing into some spirtual world where you become a “person” with a reversed face. There was someone else there. I was helping her fix the eye and the lip because it looked upside down. She kept frowning when she was talking and her eyes looked pretty frightening. She kept saying something like destroy or whatever, maybe as the new “person” we’re supposed to buy into the leader of that spirtual being.

It was getting fucked up so I remember there was a guide on that website that said I must enter “leave” or something to exit out of their world, otherwise it will stick with you. I did that and got out and I felt my body (where I was sleeping) came back together in one piece. I mean, I was detached from my body when I left for the “spiritual world”. Anyhow, then I thought I was fine but this was like the Avatar or the Matrix trying to kill people (yes, this close) where “those” guys recalled me, so my body started having those transition reactions but I forced it out. And it came back so I left the couch I was sleeping on.

Still it came, I was freaked out because I thought I was back to reality. I remember saying like they are forcing me and that they are not keeping their words (of letting me stay away from them). Then I felt like waking up, but was still in the resting phase; I could feel the couch and other stuff around me, except I had no control over my body (feels like you are ready to get back to sleep). Soon after, the dream tried to take me in again but I knew of the freakiness so I kept waking myself up and as soon as I had my eyes opened I sat up the couch and everything felt so fake.

Dreams can be so real in the dream but means nothing in reality. The question is, which was the reality? It feels real when you are in the world. When I thought I was back to the real world, I really thought there was such “spiritual world”, in which you can convert yourself to the new human. That was, too, inside the dream but once you really wake up, you think the material real world is real.

The other question is, does it matter that we care if there is a spiritual world out there or not. Or put it this way, do we care if there is a way to enter a different world or dimension during your sleep? I think I do because I felt like I almost went there and never came back, you know. It was that freaky. It was like they wanted me to be there. Anyhow, we may recall that there are some games that you play as a group, trying to recall a “ghost” from the underworld and ask questions about his or her life, then the plate or whatever moves to whatever spot that tries to talk to you. It’s similar except you’re doing this alone in some “spiritual” world during your sleep (when I said at the beginning about the “ghost” you recall that runs around you).

I think all worlds in dreams are spiritual, because your body is still where it is but your mind is away. I also think those worlds exist, but are unreachable because again of the dimension problem.

This is one dream you guys don’t want to touch. If there are similar ones you ever get into, wake yourself up.

Spam

It’s funny to tell what is spam and what is not.

When the comment has nothing to do with your topic, it’s most likely spam. Like Ceeson said earlier, is spam good? That is, for him, lots of Russian… and a lot of gibberish.

I see people praising my entry on Resident Evil 5 Mercenaries scores (which has but numbers) and people are like ‘wow a very informative blog, thank you!’ or somthing like ‘are you stressed? you should really try (blah)’. What’s even more funny is some commentors think you have a good site and that they are bloggers/webmasters themselves and you should go visit their blog or website or whatever. They say they hate spammers so told me not to worry about them being a spammer. Oh hell yeah if you are saying this bunch of crap on my RE5 entry, you are a hell of an idiot to say you are not, because you are one fucking hypocrite.

A lot of these comments are randomly generated. Like the ones that say that they have been to many blogs but mine is by far the most informative and actually has content. They tell you they are also a blogger/webmaster themselves and how they don’t like how spammers leave comments so they will only leave one or two links of their websites. Then tells you to go visit them or something.

I almost fell for one of those comments and actually approved it for a while. Until another one came along with a different “name”, different IP with the SAME “website” but slightly different comment that has similar style as the previous, then I blocked both.

~shu

Life Tae Kwon-Do International

The official LTI website has been launched!
Please visit it – here is the url:http://www.ltitaekwon-do.org/

Committment

When my friend said tonight at 3 that he hasn’t seen me this committed to a girl, he was right. I haven’t had somebody that could keep me uninterested at others for so long. Maybe because I am running out of time and also I should seriously think about the future.

Moreover, it’s about hitting the bar. Only so often will you hit precisely, so if it happens it’s quite special.

Amongst the four levels I invented, she’s level 3. Level four is the crazy type while level 1 is the shy/soft type. Here’s an analogy: level 1 – she doesn’t touch your hand; level 2 – she touches your hand softly; level 3 – she pinches your hand; and level 4 – she chops your hand off.

Another analogy: level 1 – she doesn’t get near the line; level 2 – she may get near the line but will not cross it (and offend/disrespect) you; level 3 – she may cross the line but only temporarily and level 4 – she consistently crosses the line and way beyond it.

In other words I like the one who gives you a bit of a hard time some times but not all the time. Nonetheless, he suggested me going all out since I don’t have all the time in the world. The question is not what, or why, but how.

When you play snooker (or pool), you learn the simplest move – the straight shot. From there you build on to cut shots, rail shots, etc. You progress.

Each successful shot gives you additional confidence. Each failure shot removes some of your confidence. So, every time you get it wrong, you have less confidence for the next shot, because you don’t know what it feels like to do it right. And so you will continue the trend and the probability of getting back to a successful shot is low.

Similarly, when I don’t know the feeling of success in having the girl put me inside her little brain, I am more likely to flinch. Hence, the “how am I gonna do it” question.

~shu.